Thursday, April 23, 2009

Stern note to self

Hey. Hey, you. Quit looking at that girl. Stop it. Yes, you could take an eye out with her elbows and knees. Yes, even though you know full and very well that you not all anorexics are super thin, this kind of muscle wasting doesn't usually happen unless something is wrong. That little voice in the back of your head? The one that says "oooh, she must be so strong." C'mon. You've heard that lie a thousand times before. It doesn't make you strong. It makes you miserable and sick and crazy.

You don't look like her. You never did, you never will. And really, you don't want to, because then weird strangers will stare at you. So get on over that. You have more important things to think about, like how much fun you're going to have this weekend, and how you're going realize a little more how independent you can be.


Cammy said...

Way to go, I like this reasoning. I think that it's natural to have mixed feelings when you see someone in the throes of an ED - twinges of nostalgia, maybe, relief that you're past that but also a bit of some deeply buried voice saying "hey, me too! I was in that club!" It's hard, but remember that not only do you not want to look like her, you don't want to feel like her. She probably feels as wasted as she looks, and your health and independence beat pointy elbows any day of the week.

lisalisa said...

and you know what, she probably doesn't even enjoy her hard-won "thinness". She probably still suffers under the dillusion that she is fat. Bottom line- not worht it. I like your reframe so much better.

ola said...

I need implant your note to my brain.
I always feel embarassed when people are observing me, obviously not healthy at all. However, the worst part is that I am afraid some recovering girl/boy is watching me with those mixed feelings. This girl (me) probably profoundly starves for being invisible or "simply normal", remember? Thanks for another reason for not being like this, have a nice weekend!

Just Eat It! said...

I think I've been in this kind of scenario, but never been able to reason like that. This was rather helpful for me. I never think, "Oh, she's unhappy because there's clearly something wrong." Instead, I find myself being jealous of something I shouldn't be jealous of.

Zena said...

Holy crap i needed to hear this today!!!!...what a great way to look at things...i too am going to enjoy my weekend and fuck all those muscle wasting away anorexics....they are sick too...and probally miserable

Love Z