Challenge

One of the reasons I love my boyfriend is that he challenges me. Jim read my last entry and wanted me to clarify what an "expression of an eating disorder" entailed. I replied that I meant a thought or action that was directly linked to pathology, like calorie restriction, binging and purging and over-exercising. The conversation progressed - he asked why the post was so long. I told him I liked sorting my thoughts out in the blog.

"Why?" he said. "Why a public forum?"

Um. Well. Why do I blog?

I kept a journal all through middle school and high school. Those raggedy notebooks weremy thought-sorting space, where I talked about things I didn't fully understand and sure as hell didn't want to tell anyone else. If I read my journal from senior year, it's like a roadmap to anorexia.

I started this whole thing, ironically, at Jim's urging. His short-lived (but highly enjoyable) blog apparently needed company. And here I am, still clattering away almost a year later.

"Are you an exhibitionist?" he asked (oh baby, you wish).

Well, I'm not posting nekkid pics (be grateful, I'm very Irish), but in a way I do enjoy revealing myself. I like to see that people have read my blog. I enjoy getting comments and feedback. That, I suppose, is selfish. But I'm not forcing anyone to read - y'all do that by your own free will.

But there's another reason. I was astounded - astounded - by the community I found. I have read some incredible stories. You guys have shared experiences that have broken my heart, inspired me and helped me. And I hope, I really really hope, that my stories and experiences and silly musings have, in some way, helped at least a couple of my readers.

So yes, I admit a good portion of my bloggage is selfish. I like it (obvs, otherwise I wouldn't do it). But I hope it serves another purpose as well.