Saturday, April 11, 2009


For the past seven years, I've assisted the "Easter Bunny" (aka my mother) put together our baskets. My mom's a bit, shall we say, anal retentive (really, Lisa? hmm, I wonder if that's where you get it from), and we used to count Cadbury and Reeses eggs, making sure that each child got an equal amount.

I was just starting to really actively restrict when Easter rolled around my senior year of high school. I helped Mom, like always, but the next day I quietly distributed the lion's share of my treats into my siblings' baskets. I'm doing so well, I'm losing so much weight, I told myself. One little Cadbury egg, one too many jelly beans and it's over. I'm back to the fat, lazy person I used to be. Except that I never was. I was never fat, and I sure as hell was never lazy. I was never a bad person - but I believed so strongly that every "bad" food that passed my lips made me a crap human being.

Mom and I have come to an understanding: she knows I won't eat as much candy as the rest of my siblings, but she knows I won't completely abstain, either. I will probably bag up most of it and dump it into a big bowl at the apartment. I actually kept back a bunch of gummies for one of my roommates.

Tomorrow ... I don't know what I'll do. Holidays are kind of tricky. However, it's just one day - one "today" in the very long string of "todays" that make up my life. I'm trying to keep the long view. Jim, I've found, is rather good at that - I'll try to learn a thing or two.


Gaining Back My Life said...

You're right. One day does not a life ruin. Enjoy it and Happy Easter!

Kristina said...

It sounds like a good compromise - eat what YOU want and then give the rest of the goods to your roommates, which probably makes THEM happy. I hope that you have had a good day, holiday and all!

Cammy said...

My mom and I came to a similar understanding when I was in high school. I'd get some candy, etc., but also some nice coffees, etc. and more things I would actually use.

Also, remember that holidays are supposed to be enjoyed! I think frequently with EDs we get so anxious about the change in routine, special foods, etc that the point of the holiday--celebration--gets lost. I hope you were able to have a good day, remember that everyone deserves to celebrate and that one day will not undo you or make you a bad person for having treats. I try to think about how I will want to remember a day when I look back in five years. No one deserves to have regrets, and long-term is is much more satisfying to let loose a little and enjoy yourself than to remember a day in which the ED was behind the wheel.

Take care and treat yourself kindly,

PS Word verification is "aphogro," sounds like some kind of new and probably carcinogenic lawn treatment.