Saturday, April 11, 2009

Hippity-hoppity

For the past seven years, I've assisted the "Easter Bunny" (aka my mother) put together our baskets. My mom's a bit, shall we say, anal retentive (really, Lisa? hmm, I wonder if that's where you get it from), and we used to count Cadbury and Reeses eggs, making sure that each child got an equal amount.

I was just starting to really actively restrict when Easter rolled around my senior year of high school. I helped Mom, like always, but the next day I quietly distributed the lion's share of my treats into my siblings' baskets. I'm doing so well, I'm losing so much weight, I told myself. One little Cadbury egg, one too many jelly beans and it's over. I'm back to the fat, lazy person I used to be. Except that I never was. I was never fat, and I sure as hell was never lazy. I was never a bad person - but I believed so strongly that every "bad" food that passed my lips made me a crap human being.

Mom and I have come to an understanding: she knows I won't eat as much candy as the rest of my siblings, but she knows I won't completely abstain, either. I will probably bag up most of it and dump it into a big bowl at the apartment. I actually kept back a bunch of gummies for one of my roommates.

Tomorrow ... I don't know what I'll do. Holidays are kind of tricky. However, it's just one day - one "today" in the very long string of "todays" that make up my life. I'm trying to keep the long view. Jim, I've found, is rather good at that - I'll try to learn a thing or two.

3 comments:

Gaining Back My Life said...

You're right. One day does not a life ruin. Enjoy it and Happy Easter!

Kristina said...

It sounds like a good compromise - eat what YOU want and then give the rest of the goods to your roommates, which probably makes THEM happy. I hope that you have had a good day, holiday and all!

Cammy said...

My mom and I came to a similar understanding when I was in high school. I'd get some candy, etc., but also some nice coffees, etc. and more things I would actually use.

Also, remember that holidays are supposed to be enjoyed! I think frequently with EDs we get so anxious about the change in routine, special foods, etc that the point of the holiday--celebration--gets lost. I hope you were able to have a good day, remember that everyone deserves to celebrate and that one day will not undo you or make you a bad person for having treats. I try to think about how I will want to remember a day when I look back in five years. No one deserves to have regrets, and long-term is is much more satisfying to let loose a little and enjoy yourself than to remember a day in which the ED was behind the wheel.

Take care and treat yourself kindly,
C

PS Word verification is "aphogro," sounds like some kind of new and probably carcinogenic lawn treatment.