Wednesday, June 10, 2009


That is what Jim will say to me when he reads this entry.

Today I was so anxious that I actually had to get off the elliptical. Usually exercise makes me feel better, but today my mind was spinning just as fast as my legs. I just had to ... leave. And now of course I'm worried because I didn't do the full 40 minutes.

This has got to stop. Really. If I can't get a handle on my anxiety now, if I obsess over food and exercise, if I allow my OCD to get out of control, then the summer TFA institute is going to be a nightmare. I cannot - I will not - let my fucked up brain chemistry keep me from teaching ankle-biters how to read.

I can do this. I can. I will.


ola said...

I am sorry you are having hard time. (I think there has to be some anxiety in the air).

Don´t worry about couple of minutes on the elliptical! There are big and nice changes in your life and you need lot of mental and physical energy for it! You have written under my post that if I start obsessing with weight gain I should think about something else, something good. Can you try to refocuse as well and transform the anxious negative energy into something else, for example preparing for your lessons? I know how hard, out of control and paralysing such a situation is, but you are brave, you know yourself, you can prevent your OCD to return and become a fantastic teacher!

Just Eat It! said...

Don't worry about the elliptical. I feel the same way sometimes when I exercise. It's that horrible nagging, "You should have done at least _____." Thankfully, the feeling passes.