I'm in that semi-drunk state, which for me means I'm very honest and open. Tonight I will document my absolute failure to control my eating.
Earlier I went to see Ghosttown with a few friends. It's not a bad flick - probably too awkward for my roommates to handle, but damn if I don't love me some Ricky Gervais. That wasn't the issue, though. Before the movie we stopped at Wal-Mart to buy some illicit candy. I bought a "movie-size" box of Junior Mints, which I hadn't had in years but remembered loving.
I ate the whole box.
The WHOLE FUCKING BOX. Seriously. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. That was 300+ calories that I DO NOT NEED. On top of that, I had fruity drink at a bar afterward. Jesus H. Christ. Complete lack of self-control.
The above paragraph is clearly the ED talking. I'm trying to convince myself that if I'd gone to a nice restaurant tonight, say with Jim, I could easily have put away 300 calories from the bread/naan basket. That hey - it's NORMAL to have candy at the movies. You don't go to the movies every day - it's allowed to be a treat, both for your eyes and your taste buds. And the Junior Mints were as good as I'd remembered them. Like I told my friend Brian, I'm rediscovering my sweet tooth.
But I'm still just disgusted with myself. I'm already uncomfortable with my midsection, and downing a box of chocolate candies isn't going to help in that department. And why didn't I just get a rum and diet coke? Cheap and low-calorie.
I'm ... I'm angry. My friends can eat a box of Junior Mints or a bag of Raisinets and they don't flip the fuck out. They don't have vindictive metabolisms. They don't need to drink diet pop. So why am I so screwed up?