At this time of the night I'm vulnerable. The anxieties creep up on me. I can't relax - my arms and back actually hurt because I've been so tense. All the thoughts about my body and wanting to lose weight come surging back at me. I'm so lonely and scared and worried about everything, and somehow it's so clear that being thinner will make all my problems go away. I know it won't, but this back and forth in my head is so goddamn awful.