1. Do not fly Continental.
2. Do not fly into Newark. This terminal feels like a big sweaty buttcrack.
3. Do not ask someone how they like The Shack. Because this weird gleam will appear in his eyes and he will say "it's so good. It's even better than everyone says." And then when you're stuck on the runway for AN HOUR (see #1), he will give it to you and tell you to "pass it on." You will then read the back with a sinking feeling in your stomach. Then you will start to read and discover that it is the WORST BOOK EVER. I mean, there might be a plot there, but we're talking Stephanie-Meyers-level bad. And so far no body-glitter-sporting vampires have appeared to redeem its awfulness. How, how, HOW has this book been on the bestseller list for the last six months?
4. Don't leave D.C. There. That's the solution to all my problems right now.