I was diagnosed with OCD my freshman year of high school. I'd been a hand-washer as a kid and always had weird little rituals, but at that point irrational fears and constant anxiety were making me miserable. I saw the great and wonderful Dr. M for about six months and did much better afterwards.
Three years later I was back in Dr. M's office, albeit for a different reason. When she started me on Citalopram for ED-related depression, it had the almost-magical effect of quieting the "buzz" in my head that was the constant undercurrent of anxiety.
Two years on from that, I've taken myself off the Citalopram ... and now the OCD and anxiety are making a roaring comeback. I'm worried about things that don't make sense. It's hard to function or concentrate because of that buzz. Thing is, I've sort of taken myself off of Dr. M, too. I canceled a few appointments over the break because I was working, and I told her I'd call to set up my next appointment. And I haven't called. I was doing so well, I felt good about food and myself. And now I don't know what to do. I could go to the student health center, but they kind of blow when it comes to counseling. I could call Dr. M back, but the thought of admitting that I was overconfident makes my skin crawl. I could try to get a refill on my Citalopram if there are any left, but I'd have to deal with the side effect of nausea (which makes some of my anxieties worse). Not good.
In other news, I'm bloaty and headache-y and my jeans feel tight. And I'm worried all the time.
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1 comment:
Please don't let this turn into a slippery slope. If it's enough of an issue for you to recognize with a post, then it's a real issue. Remember that Dr. M is a professional, and it will most definitely not be the first time that she sees someone drift away and then come back, there is absolutely no shame in it. Her job is to help make you better, not to judge you. Even if you don't go back to her specifically, please take care and don't be afraid to reach out, ask yourself what you would do if you had a child with OCD issues, and take the same action for yourself.
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