Lisa: You are never going to have the body you think you want. You are never going to be naturally thin, you are never going to be the girl who grew up eating cheeseburgers and potato chips and remained a statuesque beauty her entire life. You are never going to look like someone who struts down the runway in lacy lingere and angel wings. You are never going to look like that sixteen-year-old model you ranted about.
It's not really clear why you want to look like that. You know someone who looks like Giselle isn't inherently better than you. You know that having a six-pack says nothing about your worth as a person.
Still, you do want to look like that, and you don't; you never will. That's frustrating, and it hurts. So you have permission to be angry about it, you can be sad. You can feel disgusted with your thighs and your stomach.
But you can't do it forever, Lisa. It's okay to be angry, but it doesn't help you to be angry all the time. It doesn't help you to cringe at your reflection. You don't have to have an amazing self-image all the time, but you can't have an entirely negative one, either.
Accept the way you're feeling now. Talk to Dr. M about it. Then remember that you gained weight and the world did not implode. The people who loved you before, during, and after you quit eating still love you. Your mother will always think you are beautiful (granted, she kind of has to). Your much-cooler younger sisters like you. You have a beautiful smile and you always have (at least since the orthodontia). Your friends enjoy your company and your boyfriend does crazy things like book giant hotel suites because he loves you.
Okay? Okay. Now keep at that thesis.
Note: That's not me. I found it on Adventures in Stock Photography, which is actually kind of funny.
3 comments:
I have a hard time accepting that I will never be 6 feet tall and very underweight. This post rang very true for me.
I used to think no one would "love me" after I gained weight, but my friends still show up at my door. The world didn't end and I didn't die like I thought I would. People treat me the same. I forget this too much.
I am right there with you, Lisa. I have to keep reminding myself to do the math: do I want to pay the price of forcing myself to be at a weight that my DNA does not like? What's the cost- and what's the payoff.
And it's good to remind myself that most other people really don't care what I weigh. Not really.
Angel wings are overrated, anyway.
Seriously.
Post a Comment