Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Blob

Feeling a little better than I did yesterday, but I'm still really, really unhappy with my stomach. I am back to obsessing about it. Today I tried to wear a shirt that actually touched my body - big mistake. I just hate walking and feeling everything jiggle. I know that part of my stomach is actually composed of muscle, but it's coated in a layer of jiggly fat. Jiggle. Jiggle.

Sorry. I don't mean to be so negative. When I'm healthy I don't have the body of Giselle. When I was sick I never had the body of Giselle. I know I will never look like a model, but I would at least like to look ... slender. Fit. Athletic, in control, healthy. Good.

I need to get my head out of this place. Jim is coming down this weekend, and we have some gastronomic adventures planned. I don't want to be anxiously sucking in my gut the entire time. He doesn't want me to do that, he wants me to have fun and enjoy myself. And on Saturday my parents are finally going to meet his parents. Over dinner. So I'll have more than enough to worry about at that point.

4 comments:

Lissy said...

i hear you. as i've gained weight, i've had tons of times where i just hated it and myself. but i do have times where i'm okay. fine, even. those times do come, but i think it takes time. way too much time, if you want my opinion, but it is possible to be okay in your skin.

i find it almost unbearably difficult to manage a bunch of eating activities when i'm feeling blobby. and then i'm miserable because i want to enjoy these activities and not be seeped in my body malaise.

it's not easy, is it?

Harriet said...

It sounds like you're feeling particularly uncomfortable with your body today. You don't seem negative, you are just expressing your feelings. Think "eat healthy" rather than "lose the fat". Maybe that will help?

Kristina said...

Lisa,
Sorry to hear that you are struggling right now, but I hope that the weekend will be a positive one and that you'll be able to focus on being with Jim and sharing time and experiences with him. The parental meeting - that's pretty big! Hope that it goes well for everyone. That would definitely make me nervous! Random question - do you tend to focus more on your body when you are nervous about other stuff? I know that I do, but I'm not sure if that's just my own quirk.

Lisa said...

Kristina,

Ohhh yeah, stress in other aspects of life = body/food stress. I sometimes don't realize it until later.