Monday, January 12, 2009

Swinging through the gates

I met with a career counselor today. It wasn't earth-shatteringly helpful, but we did go over some of the finer points of my resume and discuss timelines for applying. I was afraid I'd be too early, but she said probably not - it doesn't hurt to get a head start, in any case.

So now I just need to do it. Insert Nike swoosh here.

At this point my self-doubt rears its endearingly ugly head. I've worked, sure. I've held jobs, I've done research. BFD. And now I have to convince someone that they should pay me inordinate amounts of money for my services. I don't even know if my services are worthwhile.

I'm pretty sure my family and friends believe in me. A very needy part of me wants to quererously ask everyone I know if they do, but I really need to get over that. I realized, though, that their support is important, but even more important is that I believe in myself. If I want someone to hire me on the basis of merits (what merits?), I have to believe that those merits exist.

I need to get over that. Deep breath. Pick up my suitcases and go swinging through the imposing gates of the VonTrapp mansion singing at the top of my voice. Or a D.C.-appropriate alternative. I've got to prove to all those people who believe in me that I can do this - and prove it to myself, too.

4 comments:

Gaining Back My Life said...

Believe it. I was paid $$$$ b4 my degree, b/c I knew peolw. If people believe in you, believe in them.

Tiptoe said...

I so hear you on this. Belief in oneself can be a hard thing, but once you have it, it's like gold. You'll get there.

Cammy said...

This is a hard position to be in. My life is pretty much consumed by applications now too, and I know it's amazing how easy it is to let your head fill with doubt, etc, even when you are telling others about everything you have accomplished. Tons of anxiety about submitting stuff, then even more anxiety about getting feedback on your apps. It seems like it never ends! Try to focus on what you have to offer, not what you think you lack, and remember that the other people applying for the positions are human too! I'm sure you will find a program/position that is right for you, hang in there!

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