Sunday, January 25, 2009

Confused

I did not drastically change my diet or exercise habits in the past three weeks. According to many of the aforementioned calculators, I'm not even eating enough calories to maintain my weight, much less gain.

SO WHY THE FUCK HAVE I GAINED?

Damnit, I do not want to throw another tantrum. But I'm not happy with my body at all, and I can't tell if I really need to lose weight or this is just stupid, stupid eating disorder coupled with stress.

I can try to think about this rationally. If you don't like the way you look and feel, change it. Eat less, exercise more. Right? But I'll always second-guess myself, as will the people around me. Am I really too heavy, or do I just think I am? I don't want to be afraid of losing weight. I want to just be able to get in shape and leave it at that.

Someone on TV today mentioned swimsuit season. Fuck me.

2 comments:

Caitlin Dale said...

I am no nutritionist but...I know a little bit about this stuff. I am pretty sure that if you do not eat enough your metabolism slows way down. So what you do eat is stored rather than processed...I don't know about your recovery process and what you are told about eating so talk to a pro ...but it sounds like you metabolism is just a little wacked up from your history maybe...plus you are probably being too hard on yourself.

Who is the jackass who is talking about swim suits in January!?

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