It's spring break, and my exotic travels have taken me ... to a small town in southwest Ohio. Yeah. Last night I was talking to Jim and mentioned that it doesn't feel like "home."
He replied, "What is home supposed to feel like?"
Well, that stumped me. Jim's answer was simple - "it's where you live." I think it's more than that. You can live in a hotel room; a dorm room - that's not home. Home implies familiarity, belonging. Consistency, reliability. Home is safe, secure. Ideally, it's shared with people you care for - your family, a partner, a friend. It's somewhere you want to be.
Being in my last year of college makes it hard for me to feel at home anywhere. My apartment isn't home- I care about the people in it, but it's not permanent. I don't belong there, ultimately. My parent's house is sort of in-between - I love my family more than I can say, and this house will always be a place to come back to. But I'm not going to be here forever. In a few months I'll be pretty far away, in an apartment with another person I love very much. Will I belong there? I've always thought that I belong with the people I care about, but maybe there's more to be said for the physical aspect of home than I realized.
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Home is an interesting concept, That's for sure. I'm not sure where I identify as being my home right now--maybe the summer camp where I work.
I think, at the ripe old age of 37, I'm finally feeling as though I am making a home that meets all of my needs, wants and desires. Before now, I've certainly lived in places that I've liked and that have met basic needs and wants, but they didn't make me feel "complete". Maybe that sounds strange, but it is how I feel about my current situation.
I do still think of the house where I grew up as "the homefront" but it doesn't provide the comfort I need, despite being familiar, nostalgic and filled with ghosts. Maybe that's why it doesn't provide the comfort I need?
"Home" has always been a difficult concept for me, and one that I've yearned for a long time. My parents used to ask me to come home to this or that, but it was never really "home" there as there were no familiar ties.
I think in the end, home become what you make of it. It's what you decide that embraces your values and feelings.
Home is where you keep most of your shit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac
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