I can't move forward, I can't move back.
I've been doing well about cutting out the fat-talk. But the fat-thinking? Ohh, that's still there.
I look in the mirror and I know I've gained weight. My stomach is different. My hips are different. But I don't know how much I've gained, because I haven't weighed myself in months. Good lord - not since January. So when I say I want to lose weight, I don't know what I'm really saying.
I'm eating things now that a year ago I would never have considered. Last weekend I had a fucking enchilada, cooked for me by a couple we're friends with. An ENCHILADA.
Do I want to give up these new things? Do I want to give up the freedom I'm starting to have with food and drink? Give up candy corn, cider, wine? Okay let's be serious, I'm never going to give up the grape. But do I want to go back to non-stop gum-chewing at social functions? No alcohol due to the empty calories? No crunchy cereal at night before bed?
What do I give up? What do I change?