I have spent the last two hours HATING myself, my body, my lack of self-control. I bought some much-needed khakis and there was no denying it, from my reflection to the larger size. I am bigger. All over. And I am making myself schizophrenic over it.
Dinner parties. Wine and cheese. Bread. Chips and salsa. Candy. It has to go. It all has to. Because I can't even handle a little bit of it.
But it can't go.
But it has to.
It can't.
It goes.
It stays.
It goes.
I hate this.
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2 comments:
i've too have had a hectic food an beverage weekend.
food everywhere, all weekend. what keeps me feeling "safe-ish" is eating as healthfully as possible and trusting myself. one slice of pizza or two? well, my ED wants no slices or six slices, so i'm not getting any help there.
what does the healthy adult want and need? what do our bodies want and need? if we take out the ED part of the equation, what's best for us?
i don't know why i'm rambling on about myself, but you, as usual, made me think.
i still believe that after a while our bodies know what they want and like, and i don't think that will be nachos round-the-clock. until then, do the best you can. enjoy the people more than the pizza and potables and remember (note to self), recovery is a process.
and now i'm off to a baseball party. food and drink everywhere. must remember to take my own advice.
I'm sorry food is tormenting you. This sounds so hard.
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