Saturday, October 3, 2009

Aieeee

A snapshot in my brain:

Ohmygod you ate so much pizza jesushchrist stoppit lessonplansaaaaahhhh you don't have time fatfatfatfat fattttyyyyyyy gaah howonearth will you ever behungryagain fatfatfat

You get the picture. And I sit here very calmly while Jim and our friend play video games on our new tv and they have no idea I'm about to go into the bathroom and hyperventilate for a little bit.

I am SO FUCKING SICK of this. Recover already, Lisa. Enough of this in-between shit.

But can you ever really leave it all behind?

5 comments:

I Hate to Weight said...

i would pull jim away privately and talk to him about how you're feeling. getting rid of the secret can stop whacky ED thinking and begin the comfort/healing process.

also telling my fiance that i'm having an anxiety attack while in the process seems to bring me back to normal. "normal"

take care. no matter what you ate, you are fine. YOU are much better than fine.

go admire your hair.

Silly Girl said...

You are doing well. Just take it one step at a time. I believe in you.

Harriet said...

I never tell anyone when I'm feeling anxious either. I write about it on my blog, but I have this need to keep it all in and act competent. I don't recommend this however.

Sarah (your sister) said...

If you don't want to bother Jim with anxieties, then call me, hon! You know my sleep schedule is wonky--you don't have to worry about waking me up. And even if I am asleep, fuck it. CALL ME ANYWAY.

Or tell the stuffed dinosaur. I don't know if he'll have any advice, but it can't hurt.

ola said...

Sometimes when I eat something "unsafe" I feel like my chest will burst in seconds. It is like my head and my rational me knows I should be proud, but something stronger panics, feels this urge to move and cry.

Let's listen to the rational, healthy part of us- you should be proud of yourself Lisa. Not only because you are able to eat pizza (you are wonderful person), but the pizza eating deserves honourable mention:)