Yesterday Jim told me that every time I come home to visit I look better. I hear this and know he's sincere (he's never insincere), but it doesn't change that I am very uncomfortable in my body right now.
I have not done any kind of regular exercise in four weeks. I have been eating dining hall food for four weeks. My eating choices have been influenced by stress, too - cue the bowls of dry Cap'n Crunch and Life. And there's still one more week to go.
I am trying hard to think about this in a positive way. Yes, I am uncomfortable now. But it will not be forever. I will not continue to gain weight uncontrollably. These circumstances are not forever - there's another week, yes, but it's just one more week. Then I can get back ... in control.
If there was ever a red-flag phrase, that's it, isn't it? But how I say it now is not how I said it in the past. I have tools now, strategies to help me think about and navigate the tricky world of food and my body. I have Jim with me now, who loves both exercise and food. And me, too. He loves me.
Prepare yourselves for major cheesiness - I am a work in progress. There will never be a point where I am stuck in a body that's unhealthy - too thin or otherwise. I can do this.