Yesterday Jim told me that every time I come home to visit I look better. I hear this and know he's sincere (he's never insincere), but it doesn't change that I am very uncomfortable in my body right now.
I have not done any kind of regular exercise in four weeks. I have been eating dining hall food for four weeks. My eating choices have been influenced by stress, too - cue the bowls of dry Cap'n Crunch and Life. And there's still one more week to go.
I am trying hard to think about this in a positive way. Yes, I am uncomfortable now. But it will not be forever. I will not continue to gain weight uncontrollably. These circumstances are not forever - there's another week, yes, but it's just one more week. Then I can get back ... in control.
If there was ever a red-flag phrase, that's it, isn't it? But how I say it now is not how I said it in the past. I have tools now, strategies to help me think about and navigate the tricky world of food and my body. I have Jim with me now, who loves both exercise and food. And me, too. He loves me.
Prepare yourselves for major cheesiness - I am a work in progress. There will never be a point where I am stuck in a body that's unhealthy - too thin or otherwise. I can do this.
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A mouse in a house of catcalls
About Me
- Lisa
- NOVA via Ohio. Wannabe teacher - anthropologist at heart. Engaged. Some food issues. Let's see where this goes.
Sites to See
- Adventures in Wanting
- Bearing, Eating, Being
- Between Living and Existing
- Blogoxygen
- Building Beauty Beyond Body
- Center for College Affordability and Productivity
- Eating with your Anorexic
- ED Bites
- ED Deception
- Every Woman has an Eating Disorder
- I Hate to Weight
- Just Eat It!
- Marine Snow
- Shapely Prose
- Size Ate
- Sunday Confessional
- The F-Word
4 comments:
We're all works in progress. I like that phrase.
I agree with you, you can do this. I do like what you said about being a work in progress because I feel the same way most of the time. I find that discomfort usually passes with time.
i work really hard to hear what my boyfriend says about me and my body. sometimes, i make him repeat himself, and he knows why. it's good for me to hear -- over and over again.
good luck over the next week. it's hard not to be home!
I like your phrase. I thought about it today when I caught a glimpse of my abs in the locker room as I changed to go work out. Last summer before my wedding I was working out with a trainer who helped me develop a 4-pack, but I genuinely despise weight training and decided that I was not going to spend the 25 minutes 3 times a week that was required to keep building that area of my body--it's just not worth the misery.
For a while I kept the definition, but every time I look at my abs now, I'm like "really? Really. You let yourself go so much." Your phrase echoed through my mind today and I realized, "I can decide when I want to work on my abs again, and they will change-what they look like now is not what they are bound to forever. But if I never want to work on my abs again, though, that's my choice." Thanks for the phrase and for this post.
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