Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Angry

Yeah I'm suuuuper angry in this post. Just a disclaimer.


Using my planning period to bring you this breathtaking news - my BMI is in the "overweight" category.

Part of me knows that BMI is stupid, that I've put on muscle and that's going to skew my BMI. Part of me knows that in the early 1990s, the definitions of "overweight" and "obese" were arbitrarily shifted, making millions more "overweight" overnight (I could link you to an article but I'm lazy and rushed).

But part of me is also pissed. Pissed that I thought I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted without consequences (wow, that's some judgmental language). Pissed that I drink so much wine.
Pissed that I let myself do this.

I'm also pissed at my old therapist, my doctors, my nutritionist - all of them assured me I'd stop gaining weight. They told me I wouldn't have a weight problem. I just want to go to them and wave this in their faces and say "see? I was right. I didn't stop gaining weight and look what happened. Thanks a lot."

I need to get over this - or at least shove it aside - before my students get back from gym.

3 comments:

Frugalista said...

I know this must be tough for you when so much time has been spent focusing on numbers in the past. Do your best to put it out of your mind and just continue to be healthy. Which you are, BMI stats or not. If only the darn nurse had not told you your weight. It was something you were probably better off not knowing. Hang in there!!

lisalisa said...

I just read you last post too- I am so sorry that stupid nurse told you your weight! She should have known better!

I know this sounds trite, but try to remember, you are still the same person you were last week, before you knew your weight. Nothing has changed. you have probably been at this weight for some time and while I'm sure you are not crazy about your body you have been going about your life and functioning ok. Now that the number is in your head there is no way to take it back out unfortunately, but hopefully you can find a way to reconcile with it without going back to the ED

I realize I am a bit hyprocritical giving this advice cause I would be freaking out too.

Maybe you could sue the nurse. You'll OWN that ob-gyn clinic!

Tiptoe said...

I hate when professionals do that after we specifically ask them not to and give them reason!

That said, I know it is tough, especially when you have been feeling better about yourself. Try to remember that post you wrote a few days ago. You do feel better, you do feel like you have energy, you are happier than you were at your lowest weight. Would you want that taken away now? Remember, Lisa you have worked hard for where you are at now. If you have to, keep saying a number is only a number, that I'm worth more than a number, etc. Very cliqueish I know but maybe helpful too ?