Hypocrisy, a double standard. Whatever you want to call it, I have it.
I preach it - as much as a befuddled agnostic can preach anything. BMI is silly! The ideal of thinness is a cultural construction foisted upon the public by the media! The "war on obesity" is ridiculous! C'mon Michelle Obama, that little girl didn't care about veggies, she cared about her mom's immigration status!
But this week I've been basing my self-worth on my weight, the food that I eat (or don't), the exercise that I do.
What is wrong with me? I am letting fucking number rule my life. NO ONE CARES BUT ME. Jim does not care. My mother does not care. My students do not care (although one asked if I was pregnant and another one apparently likes my boobs). BUT I CARE. I care.
I don't want to trigger. I don't want to be a wet blanket. But this is what my head is like now.