Sunday, August 30, 2009

The Bitch is Back

All right, y'all. I'm back. Thank you for the concern and care you guys showed in the comments on my last post. It meant a lot to me. I'm thinking that all the adjustment of moving and starting a new job (more on that in a minute) just got overwhelming. There have been tears. There have been small meltdowns. But I'm getting the hang of living a) where the traffic patterns are RIDICULOUS and b) in the same space as that guy, you know, the one I agreed to live with forever. We're doing well.

The big news - I got a job! I will be teaching Head Start to a bunch of four-year-olds. I've seen my classroom and set it up - it's enormous. Plenty of space, but not a lot of supplies: I don't have any paper, markers, blocks, manipulatives (those bears and blocks you used to count). Supposedly Head Start will send me things ... but I don't think I'll have them by Monday. I'll beg a dry-erase marker off another teacher and things will be fine. The other teachers, by the way, are some of the nicest women I've met in a long time. They're very no-nonsense, but I like that. I just hope I can figure out how to teach as well as they do. I also hope I can figure out the day's schedule, which I don't actually have. Hmm. Tomorrow's going to be interesting.

The body woes continue. I've had a couple of meltdowns that I'm not particularly proud of. I really, really am not happy with my body right now. I feel bad for putting Jim through my freakouts. Part of it is that our dryer shrinks everything, but part of it is just that I'm heavier than I have been in a long time.

So the journey continues. The anorexia is screaming in my head, but Jim's cooking delicious things, hell, I'm learning to cook delicious things, and there's nights out with friends. I feel like I can either have the body I want or eat potatoes and bread and dessert. It's tough. Duh. Y'all know that.

I need to go pick out my book for storytime tomorrow. I'll provide an update tomorrow.


lisalisa said...

I know exactly what you mean, about choosing between a body you want and a life of freedom. I'm kind of there right now too. Let's bolth keep hanging in there!

Ending the Deception said...

Yay for your new job! Kids always cheer me up.

I Hate to Weight said...

like you and lisa, i'm stuck between the body i want and the freedom i'd like to find.

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE JOB! my cousin has taught Head Start for 30 years. she wouldn't ever want to teach anything else. it's such important work. i'm glad your colleagues are great. sometimes, i find that's the most important part.

i'm so glad you're back. i smiled big when i opened your post.

Cammy said...

This made my day, I'm so happy that you have a job, that is the luckiest batch of 4 year olds in the country!!!

Also glad you are adjusting to the cohabitation situation. It will take time, but I'm sure it will be worth it. Hang in there with the body woes. Remember nobody ever looked back and said "wow, I wish I'd made myself just a little more sick and beat down yesterday," whereas there is a lot to miss out on if one gives in to the ED. I know you know that, just doing my duty as a friend to remind you that yes, you do deserve the best and nothing less.

Keep us updated, I am very interested in hearing about your adventures in teaching. Let me know if you are going to do any critter-related projects!

Sarah said...

Lisa, thanks for updating us. I'm glad you're feeling like you are in a little bit better head space. All of the things you mentioned are HARD. I'm impressed you have been able to keep eating and experiencing things with Jim and friends instead of being chained to routines. THOSE are the things that matter--not your body's fluctuation on this particular day or in this particular week. It's awesome that you are prioritizing (even though I know it's hard.)

Head Start, yaay. It really is important work. Keep us posted on how it goes. I can only handle 1-2 kids at a time so I'm always really impressed when someone has the ability to take on a classroom like that...

Harriet said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better, and congratulations on the job! Head Start will be great for you, but I hope you get some supplies.

As for socializing vs. body - it's a struggle for me too. There's always the shrimp cocktail and plain side salad.