Wednesday, September 1, 2010


Thanks for the support on the last post. School's been up and down this week - some parts of the day are awesome, but the block from about 11:00-2:00 can be tough. It's a lot of transitions: lunch, recess, read aloud and nap. Then there are the two little ... sweethearts who do not enjoy naptime. One is still very much a toddler and enjoys saying no ad nauseum. He needs limits.

Then there's the limits I'm setting with the family situation. One of my sisters wants to stay in college - she's making friends, going to events, enjoying her classes. The other sister is determined to leave. I spoke to her last night and it was not a productive conversation. The things I tried to tell her - that she's been in college for less than two weeks, that I was miserable and thought I was the stupidest person in the world for my first month of college - she didn't want to hear. The things I wanted to tell her - that, frankly, she's acting pretty spoiled and rude at this point - I couldn't.


I know how it is to be miserable at school - I spent the last year going to school every day and being miserable. I know that a four-year residential college isn't for everyone. But a degree isn't going to hurt you (unless you are a LeBron-level athlete). If she gets a bachelor's or an associates and still wants to be a cosmetologist afterward, then she can get a job and pay her way through. If she becomes a cosmetologist and then decides she hates it -

.... and I need my own limits. This is her life. If she wants to do these things, it's up to her (I can, of course, call her on her rudeness to our mother). But I can't expend much more energy on this. I'm not going to drive home this weekend so I can talk to her - it wouldn't help anyway. I need to set my limits, if for nothing else than my own sanity.


Kristina said...

I feel like I'm sort of jumping in here and maybe I'll give too much of my opinion. First of all, I have no idea how you teach the little ones. I'd go crazy!
On the home front issue, it sounds like things are pretty tough. I work at a college prep school and most of the parents expect their child to attend college. Occasionally, we do have those students who come through and college is just not for them. Or, at the very least, going straight from high school to college isn't the best choice. I don't know your family or your sisters or the situation, but I believe that if someone is determined to do X and isn't listening to other people, sometimes you have to support his/her decision.
Also, knowing your own limits and setting them is huge! I wish that I had learned that skill about 10 years ago - it would have saved me lots of grief.
Hope you have a good weekend.

Sara C. Tobias said...

I had a lot of the same problems your sister had when starting school too. As a younger sibling, I struggled not to compare myself to my brother who is ten years older (and has a physics...AND organic chemistry...and worked for NASA). Remember that while you might be feeling like you needed to be a better example, she might be afraid of not living up to that example. This doesn't excuse rudeness, but it's always good to try to look at how she might be feeling about her goals and wishes compared to her siblings.

Also, to give a humorous antidote/commissary. I have a pre-schooler who will only call me 'teacher' no matter how many time I remind him of my real name. I feel like I'm living in an Animaniacs short.

Thirdly, yes I occasionally read your blog. Hi!

Lisa said...

Thank you both, so much, for your perspectives. I needed them! I didn't think that my sister might be feeling like she can't measure up - it helps to see it that way.

Though I should mention there is a boy involved.

Sara, I get "teacher" a lot, too. H/t for the Animaniacs reference.